Would you find it odd if I told you that I've never had a boudoir session done? What if I told you I'm insecure, often self-conscious, as well as anxious?
I know I'm human, and that's okay. As a person trying to make a creative professional freelance business work, is it alright to share this vulnerability about myself. Will this honesty hurt me? Will people realize this about me and not want me to take their pictures? Will they think it's hypocritical that I push feminine strength and self-confidence into my business plan and mission, YET I am the queen of anxiety?
Before this goes any further, as a side note: I was likely overthinking the last paragraph.
I know that as a person, I believe in honesty. I also try to carry this value with how I shoot. Still, you could see my struggle in talking about this. I also value the importance of allowing yourself to be human. Can I be honest, vulnerable, and self conscious and be polished and professional? I guess I allowed myself to talk about this today because if anything, I want to show my clients that it's okay to feel this way. It's natural, it's human, and quite frankly, it is to be expected.
I've made a lot of mistakes over and over, and I've gone through many self-discoveries. Haven't you? Sometimes we make terrible mistakes and hurt people, and sometimes we don't learn right away. Sometimes you think you finally found yourself and have your life figured out. Well my friend, the truth is that you will go through this over and over and over again...and you're doing alright as long as you're trying...
...and remembering how awesome you are from time to time, bringing back that self-love that is hiding in there somewhere.
I'm also afraid of letting a client down. I'm terrified that somehow my awkwardness that I cherish as being quirky will make them uncomfortable. I fear that they will look at their photographs and they are not what they expected, and even worse, they do not feel that joy I yearn to bring through delivering photographs that make them look and feel stunning and that they've got the world in their back pocket.
I can't let these fears that are for the most part created and nonsensical affect my photography. I need to remember that these feelings are natural and that I'm human and I can make mistakes. If anything, these fears give me a viewpoint into the minds of my clients who are nervous and feeling uncertain about themselves going ahead with this life passage of getting practically-naked in front of a camera. My understanding of their emotions will help me best reach them, and I can truly mean it when I say "It's okay to be nervous, but we're here to have fun and I promise you will look beyond-stunning." As it turns out, I have found my confidence in my work and myself by allowing myself to be anxious and vulnerable. That is the root of where Boudoir works. You are physically vulnerable by showing so much skin, this uncomfortable feeling can migrate to your brain making you feel exposed. Choosing to be brave, loosening up, having fun, and finding that inner beauty through the skin, body, and mind you have at that very moment is where this magical equation works. This is why I shoot. This is why I am okay sharing this with you. Remembering HELL YEAH I'M AWESOME, LET'S DO THIS! It works with boudoir, and it works with life.
I look at the photographs I took, and I remember how much I kick ass at this, and the girl on fire is found. I hope the photographs I take of you are a lasting reminder of how amazing YOU are.
I'll know this even more someday when I finally get my boudoir photos done.
xx emily
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